Circling Around This Roundabout
by TheFaithfulFlame
Summary: "I don't care if your my fiancée. I don't care if your my wife. I don't care if your just some friend of mine who calls out of the blue just to hear my voice. I don't care who you are, Rachel. I'm going to love you, I promise."


**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything, especially Glee.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

She loves being his friend.

This is where all begins, right? It all begins, with a simple friendship.

She'll admit, maybe, just maybe, she came on a little too strong at the beginning when they first met.

It's just that she's seen him before, way back in their freshman year. And their first duet together just reiterates something that she knew right from the start- that there's this some sort of connection between.

Whether or not it's just platonic or romantic, or even just musical, she figures the best way to find out is to be his friend.

How else is she supposed to know him better?

She thinks there's something, something only she can bring out whenever she's with him.

Quinn might be his girlfriend, but she's his singing partner.

She's his friend.

She never really had a friend before.

Acquaintances? Yes.

Competition? Of course.

But a friend? A true and honest friend?

Finn Hudson is the first one to take that role.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

She loves being his best friend.

Of course there's no denying that she has a crush on him.

And she wouldn't mind if there's something _more_, somewhere down the line.

But she's his best friend now.

She would have thought that Quinn's pregnancy would tear their friendship apart, but reality is, it brought them closer together.

He tells her, about all the things Quinn says to him. They spend a lot time together, her and Finn. Finn blames Quinn's attacks on the hormones, but a part of her thinks that Quinn and Finn just don't work.

If they did, Finn would be spending all his free time with Quinn instead of her, right?

Finn cares about Quinn, she knows that. But she knows Finn cares about her too.

"I'm sorry," he says. "For not showing up for the yearbook picture. I'm sorry I just-"

"I know Finn. You apologized already. And it's okay, I know you have a lot on your plate. You're stressed, and you have every right to be," she replies. They're getting ready for their Mattress Land commercial, and he sits next her, all cute in the pajamas they have to wear.

"It's not," he responds. And he's looking at her like that again. Like he did when they kissed the first time. And the second time. He looks at her like that, a lot. And she thinks she looks at him like that too.

"I'll make it up to you," he continues, "I swear."

"Don't make it up to me," she says, and honestly she's only somewhat surprised by her own words. She's been noticing that being Finn's friend has made her less selfish. Just a little bit. "Make it up to the Glee Club."

He furrows his brow. "But… how?"

"You did it before," she simply states. "And one day, Glee Club is going to need you more than ever. You're a leader Finn, and you were meant to be our leader."

He smiles at her. "Hey, we're both co-captains, remember?"

He tickles her, and she laughs the laugh only Finn Hudson can bring out of her.

He's the only one who roots for her. He's the only one who understands her passion. He's the only one who takes the time to really get to know her.

She does the same for him. She thinks that maybe, that's how relationships are supposed to work. Maybe, you're supposed to fall in love with your best friend.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

She loves being his girlfriend.

Sure she was his "girlfriend" before, during the cold winter of sophomore year.

But it's different this time.

It takes some time for her to learn how to be Finn Hudson's girlfriend.

She learns the best way to rub his back when he's stressed. She learns how they should hold hands as they walk through the halls of McKinley. She learns the best way to kiss him with the height difference and all. She learns what spot on his neck makes him moan when they make out in his truck.

She learns just how great it is to be in a relationship with someone you love.

She learns that for relationship to work, there's got to be compromise. She learns to never keep secrets.

...

And she's still learning a year later, when they're back together after breaking up again.

"Do you ever regret it?" she asks him. "Us breaking up… did you regret it?"

They're in his room on his bed. She's on her stomach and he's leaning his head against the frame.

"I did," he admits. "I was so angry, at myself. And I was heartbroken, and confused. But then, after a while, everything became clearer."

He inches closer to her and stares into her eyes, with the same, familiar glint in his eyes. He cups her face, and rubs his thumb across her cheeks.

"You see, it became clear to me that this love, is our past, present, and future. I'm yours, Rach."

"Faithful and forever?" she asks, smiling up her boyfriend's face.

"Well of course!" he replies, and he kisses her once tenderly, then again, this time harder.

"Good," she says, "because you're mine," and she rubs her nose against his before she kisses him again.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

She loves being his fiancée.

She'll admit she was skeptical about marrying so young. It does sound really crazy-getting married in high school.

But in her dreams, and in her heart, it isn't scary at all. She's never been more sure of anything in her life. She's marrying her soul mate. How can that be wrong?

A part of her wonders what it would be like if they didn't meet when they were teenagers. Would their story be as crazy as it already is? Would they be getting married in their late twenties instead of their late teens?

But she'll never know. Because this is the love story she was given with Finn, and she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

She loves looking at her left hand and seeing the beautiful piece of jewelry on her ring finger. She loves it even more when Finn takes her hand and kisses said ring before kissing her.

"I love you," he whispers to her. They at her house, alone and naked in her bed except for her ring.

"I love you too," she says, earning her a kiss. "So much," she adds on, pressing her lips against his.

"Mmm," he hums as she further intertwines their legs and wraps her arms around his neck.

It's all very grown up, lying this close with her fiancé. She likes it, she decides. The thought of growing up and growing old with Finn, her Finn, in New York. It's a dream on the verge of coming true.

She used to think New York and Broadway was just her dream. But then, somehow, Finn wormed his way into her heart, and her dream. She can see it, their future together, married in New York. And she can't wait to start living it with him.

"Rachel?" he starts right as her hands wander away from his neck further and further down his back.

"Yes," she responds softly, rubbing circles into his bare back with her palms.

"It's really happening, isn't it? We're really growing up, aren't we?"

"Yeah, we are. We already won Nationals. After graduation, there's nothing left for us here anymore. Just think, in a couple more weeks, we'll hear from the colleges in New York. All of our dreams about to come true."

"Just a couple more weeks," he smiles, and then he flips her over and makes love to her again.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

She loves being his friend.

Maybe she's using the term "friend" too loosely, because she doesn't think they'll ever go back to being just friends ever again. She doesn't they ever really were.

There's just too many unresolved feelings that won't ever go away. It hurts and it's painful, being his friend again. But she'll take it, because she needs him.

She doesn't need Finn Hudson to be successful. She doesn't need Finn Hudson to be on Broadway.

But she needs Finn Hudson to be really, truly happy, because he makes her happy. He always has, ever since he walked into her life in high school.

Her and Finn always had a system of checks and balances. They worked. They brought out the best in each other.

She just misses him. She doesn't think she ever stopped since he put her on that train all those months ago.

Being friend makes it less hard, she thinks. It may not be the same when they were together, but at least she has some part of him.

And she can learn the parts of him she missed since they broke up, as his friend. It hurts, but maybe they really have to go back to the start to make things better again.

"So, how's the college life?" she asks through the phone. This friendship of theirs all started with a phone call a couple weeks ago which she initiated because she just needed to hear his advice, and his voice, and... him.

"Eh. It got boring, quick. At least the one here did. I guess, the party life isn't for me. Lima University isn't for me."

"Then what is for you, Finn?" she asks, trying hard not to sound too hopeful, but failing miserably, because how can she not?

"I don't know. I was thinking of going out of town, out of state maybe…"

"You should. I know for a fact that you are beyond capable of it. You have my support, Finn. Don't you forget that."

"Never Rach," he says, and she can see him wearing a smile similar to hers.

"So what your plan for tonight?" he asks.

"Oh you know," she responds, "just the usual."

"I see. So since it's the third Friday of the month, it's your turn to pick the movie for movie night with Kurt and Santana. Let's me guess…"

"_Funny Girl_," they say simultaneously before they burst out into laughter.

She loves that he's still her best friend, the number one person who still understands her more than anyone.

And she's still his friend two months later when he arrives on their doorstep with a duffle bag and an acceptance letter to a college in New York.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

She loves being his girlfriend. Again.

They decided to take it slow when he arrived three months ago and not rush into a relationship like the other times.

They made sure to talk out anything taboo. She lost of how many times she cried in his arms during those three months.

There were some pretty close calls too. There were plenty of helpless stolen kisses. And she had physically stop herself from crawling into his bed at night-the third time around. It's not like Finn was any better though.

But now, she's officially his girlfriend again. It's nice to be able to kiss again whenever she wants to. It's nice to show him just how much she loves him, both physically and emotionally.

It's nice to feel loved again.

For the first time, every thing in New York seems to fall right into place. She's never been more happier.

And after her first performance as the understudy of_ Funny Girl_, it's Finn who hugs her first before he kisses her sweetly.

"Next time you and Hudson decide to do the deed all fucking night long, I'm moving out."

"Oh Santana," Rachel replies as she gets ready for school. "You do realize that this is the fourth time you said that, and you're still here."

"Look Berry, you know I love you both. If I didn't, I would have complained about rearranging the apartment _again_ just so you and Stretch could have your own room together."

"Umm, Santana you did complain, a lot. In fact you were sitting on the couch while-"

"And I did that out of the goodness of my heart. But you two are worse than you were in high school. And that's a whole heck of a lot."

"Santana, Finn and I aren't the same people we were in high school."

It's true. Finn's never going to be the same Finn she loved in high school.

But he's still Finn.

And this Rachel, this growing Rachel, couldn't be more in love with this growing Finn.

"Obviously. Look, Rachel. I know this might be premature, but you were about to marry the guy. Maybe, you two should start thinking about having a place to yourselves," Santana says, before leaving her alone to collect her thoughts.

She has thought about it. Moving into a shoebox apartment with Finn. It would be nice, doing anything and everything with him.

She opens her jewelry case and holds Finn's ring, her ring, gently between her fingers.

It's just as beautiful as it was before.

Her and Finn decide against getting a shoebox apartment for themselves. Instead the four of them, her, Finn, Kurt, and Santana agree to buy a bigger place for the four of them.

Their shoebox apartment can wait.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

She loves being his fiancée. Again.

He asks her again when they're both twenty-two, right on Bow Bridge. By that time, Kurt's already moved in with his boyfriend, and Santana is one step away from moving out.

It really is time to wear the ring on her hand again. It still fits perfectly on her finger.

In all honesty, she's in no rush to get married. They're already "domesticated" as Santana puts it, and she wants to savor being called his fiancée.

She's been his girlfriend for years, and she'll be his wife for the rest of her life, but having the title of 'fiancée' makes her insides churn with excitement. They're in this in-between stage, where it's nothing but love, love, love. She doesn't worry about the past, because that happened in the past is already represented in the ring she wears. And the future doesn't seem to be as close anymore. Wedding band or no wedding band, she has forever with Finn.

Having a long engagement makes planning the actual wedding a lot less stressful. They both make enough money, they don't have compromise on chairs.

It doesn't feel like the first time, except it does.

Because he still kisses her ring before he kisses her. And she loves him just as much now as she did then, if not more.

She cries when she finds _the_ dress. It isn't the same dress as before. It the same feeling, really, finding _the_ dress _twice_. She thought about wearing the old dress again, to symbolically unite the past with the present. But she thinks about the time Finn saw her and she saw Finn at their first attempt at getting married. She thinks she wants to tuck the memory in her heart, and just make a new one. The only differences may be the dress, and the setting, and the time, because she knows he'll look at her just like he did the first time. But she wants those differences, just to make new memories with him, like she will for the rest of her life.

"I cannot believe you chose pink again, Berry. You know me and the color pink have been in an argument for twenty-two years and counting and I can't believe I have to make nice with it again."

"Thanks for coming with me, again, Santana."

"Wait, are you crying Rachel?"

"I think I found it, I think I found the one."

"Oh where I have I heard that before?" Santana replies sarcastically. "Look," she says, more seriously. "I know I said I wouldn't do this twice, and don't get me wrong, I do hate that I have to… but Rachel, you look beautiful. And even if I have to do this seven times, because I swear, something always happens with you two, I'd gladly do it again."

"Even if you have to wear pink again?"

"Even if I have to wear pink again. But please, can you guys just get actually get married this time around?"

"You don't have anything to worry about." she replies. "It's funny, isn't it. It's technically my third wedding, to the same guy."

"Knowing you two, you're probably going to be that couple that renews their vows every five years."

"Oh not every five years. Every ten years though, that sounds reasonable," she laughs.

"So this is it, then?"

"This is it."

...

Two days later she gets a phone call during rehearsal.

"Hello, is this Rachel Berry?" a woman asks.

"Yes. This is she. How may I help you?" she responds, confused.

She only hears the words Finn, car accident, and hospital before she holds her heart and musters as much strength her body can handle as she heads to the hospital.

It turns out he's fine. Nothing serious. Just minor injuries from the accident.

"You are never riding a cab again, is that clear?" she tells him, siting on his bed while she strokes his face.

"Baby, it could have happened to anyone. I'm fine."

"I swear to God Finn Hudson, if you died before we got married, I will bring you back from the dead just to kill you myself."

"Oh you've always been overly dramatic, haven't you? But it's okay, I love you anyways," he says, kissing her softly.

"I'm not kidding. Finn…" she starts, "This incident really opened my eyes. I've never hated saying Rachel Berry more than I did when I had to say it to the receptionist. Rachel Berry, his fiancée."

"I hated it. I hated thinking that maybe you'd never get to see my in the dress I just bought. I hated thinking that maybe, you'd leave me before I became your wife."

And that's what's been scaring her since she got the phone call. Maybe, she doesn't want to wait anymore.

"Rachel, baby, come here," he says, and he cradles her in his arms.

"I know it's easy to think life's too short. And it is. We had this conversation five years ago. But Rachel, I don't care if I marry you in eight months or eight years. Time has never changed how I feel about you, and it never will. I don't care if your my fiancée. I don't care if your my wife. I don't care if your just some friend of mine who calls out of the just to hear my voice. I don't care who you are, Rachel. I'm going to love you, I promise."

She smiles when he kisses her.

Perhaps she was overreacting.

"I can picture it, you know," she whispers. Our wedding. I can see Kurt giving his big speech that makes everybody laugh and cry. I can see Santana getting drunk and start singing some Amy Winehouse song. I can see Puck telling some embarrassing story about our days in high school. Most of all, I can see you and me. And that's all that really matters, right? I love you, Finn, and I think... I think I can wait eight months to become Rachel Hudson."

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

She loves being his wife.

It's her first, and only time, being his wife.

It's so much better than being his friend, or his girlfriend, or his fiancée.

It's the little things she loves. The little perks of being married that she has yet to grow tired of.

She likes to refer to him as her Hubby, but she likes it even more when he calls her his Wifey.

The married life is anything but boring. Finn still somehow surprises her, even after twelve years of knowing him.

It's nice to see a wedding band on his finger that matches her own. Sometimes, she'll kiss it before she kisses him.

Finn likes to spoil her. He always has, but especially now that he's her husband. He still makes her heart pound and cheeks blush when he cooks her dinner and they snuggle by the fireplace. They can do things a million times and doesn't think that she'll grow old of it, of him. And if they do, then just have to find some way to make it new again.

"Finn…" she starts. They're in bed and he's massaging every inch of her body.

"Yes, Rach?" he responds, gazing into her eyes.

"We've been married for almost five years now…"

"I'm very much aware of that, Wifey," he laughs, and she kisses him and all his cheesiness.

"Well, Hubby…" she says, slipping his fingers under his shirt and down his chest. "I was just thinking," she continues, kissing him a little harder this time.

"Thinking about what?" he groans as she yanks his shirt off.

"Well you just got a raise in your salary," she breathes as he begins to kiss her neck. "And we're in a good place financially. I was just thinking, that maybe I should take some time off when the show ends in three months."

His kisses immediately come to a halt. "You want to take some time off? But baby you just won a Tony!"

"Exactly," she says, and she kisses him once more. "I think… we're ready."

"Ready for what?"

She bits her lips, and brings his hand under her shirt and rests them on her stomach.

"What do you say Finn? Do you want to start trying for a baby?"

"I do. Hell yes I do," he exclaims, and she can feel his smile on her lips when he kisses her.

"We're going to start a family," he says, and his eyes are glowing.

"We are," she says as she pulls him in and holds him to her heart.

"You're going to be the best mom ever, Rachel."

"Oh I'm going to love being the mother of your kids."

"Our kids," he corrects, and he's already pulling off her shirt.

"You really are the love of my life," she says before she pulls him for a deep kiss.

"Oh Rach, that's been established from the beginning," he replies. "Now come on, let's go make a baby."

She loves that she loved him right from the start.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

**A/N:** I just really miss Finchel, and I do hope in season five, when Cory is perfectly healthy again, we can see their journey back to each other. _Review_!


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